jackofmany

Let the Metalocolypse Begin

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 14:31:51 GMT

So. Observations from a concert featuring a fictitious cartoon Death Metal band (Dethklok from Metalocolypse).

* Did the opening band realize that they were opening for a parody of themselves? Seriously – complete with leaning over long hair circles…

* The second band, Chimaira was pretty impressive. The drummer could basically keep 32nd notes going on double bass drums for the entire length of the song. Yet somehow he didn’t overpower the groove established by the rest of the band while doing this. As a hack pseudo-drummer (hack defined as fairly proficient at Rock Band drums), I know enough to appreciate his skills and to know that there’s no freaking way that their songs could be translated to Rock Band. Even if Harmonix came up with a drum set with two pedals, the incidence of snapped pedals would be off the charts…

* Final note on Chimera’s drummer – I particularly enjoyed how he made the show a tactile experience as well as sonic. You could seriously feel the bass drums reverberating through your body in a non-stop barrage. The effect was hypnotic. This is probably typical of the death metal genre in general, but this guy was clearly the best of the 3 drummers who played that night.

* Notes to sweaty guy #1 – So, Mr. Huge, Sweaty Mosh Pit Guy… Using your sweat drenched body to jam against me in an attempt to usurp my premier “fence” spot won’t work. Seriously – your nastiness is not grossing me out. I roll around with guys 10 times sweatier than you twice a week. For fun. And I pay to do it. You might start to gross me out if you were to sweat in my eyes or mouth though… (Yes – I’ve had both happen).

* Notes to sweaty guy #2 – So, Mr. Bald, Shirtless, Five Foot Zero inches tall, Most Pit guy… OK. You do freak me out. Every time you slammed against me in your masculinity reinforcing mosh pit antics, I felt like some albino, mutant human weasel was thrashing against me. Just saying.

* I haven’t been to a metal show in a while and forgot the red-neckery that goes on. (As a descendent of a long line of proud red-necks, I feel ethnically permitted to make observations on red-neckery.) You might be a red-neck if… You wear a mouth piece into a mosh pit. It actually makes sense though. If you intend to try to knock people’s teeth out in a mosh pit, it’s only fair to assume they will try to return the favor. And everyone knows them dentists is all perverts who just want to get like your Uncle Hank on a bender once they give you that knock-out gas…

* Best moment of the night – asking a group of teenage goth kids if the intro video playing on the screen before the bands started was “the Metallica cause you kids watch the MTV right? and my buddy and me have a bet.” Their reaction was priceless. It was sort of a mute “Why is this old weirdo talking to us? About things we hate even? Is he trying to sell us drugs?”

Hey - You don't have a life, right?

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 14:33:25 GMT

Wonderful. Now when I talk to friends, an automatic computer program starts running in my head. The code looks something like this:

if intNumberOfFriendsInGroup >= 3 and intNumberOfFriendsInGroup <=5 then
if fnHasFreeTime(FriendNamesInGroup) = True then
    inputbox ("Hey - Wanna start a band in Rock Band?')
else
    msgbox ("Hey - you don't really need to " & strDistraction & " all the time, do you?")
endif
else
  call subWhoCanWeAddOrLose
End if

And yes, band number two ("Da Mange") started in my basement last night and seems like they may be able to meet often...

Well - add one more item to the obsession list...

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 03:22:02 GMT

So after getting thoroughly hooked on Guitar Hero and witnessing

theferrett's obsession evolve in his LJ and Webcomic, I went all out and got Rock Band last week. Friday night, “Tushy Palace” formed and all I can say is “Wow!” Well, I can say a bit more, so here are a few of my observations.

5 people with 4 instruments seemed like the perfect ratio for our marathon session (9 PM to 4 AM [we probably would have gone til dawn but 2 of us had early morning plans]). When someone needed a break, they stepped out and the band kept on marching. When all five were fresh and wanted to play, we’d through down the gauntlet – “Whoever gets the lowest score on this song is out and I’m in…” Talk about motivation. Also, the 5th person was frequently dubbed the roadie if he was just sitting and watching the game. Roadie responsibilities usually included beer-runner.

Ted and I who are both Guitar Hero veterans (the other three never played Rock Band or GH) were in a constant competition against each other throughout the night. Amidst all of the smack talk and whining about the merits of the GH vs RB guitar, he uttered the most daunting words that sent a chill down my spine. While he was on bass and while I was struggling on a particularly challenging guitar part he casually says “Hell – look at this baseline. I can do this all night.” Oh, and for the record, we both agree the RB guitar fret button style is superior, but the mushy strum bar just feels… mushy.

In four player mode, I can not express enough the value of a drummer with aggression and good rhythm. I think Milton brought our individual scores up by sheer virtue of his pounding rhythm (but god help us when he lost it in a song).

I was amazed by how a group of macho self-respecting, “never sang in high school chorus”, and “would never do Karaoke” types all took turns on vocals. It started with Logan who we pretty much forced to sing since he is definitely the ham of the group (and has a flair for the dramatic). Once the rest of us saw that he could do it even though his voice sucked, we each eventually tried our hand. And there was a definite comfort but no shame in all of us sucking. Although the guy we have always called “Creepy” was ironically very good on “Creep” by Radiohead.
Letting each player pick their own difficulty level = genius. If they had forced the band to collectively pick a difficulty the game would have been much worse off as you would have to dumb the difficulty down to your worst player and better players would be bored stupid.

The little awards for each player at the end of the songs are an awesome touch. They are just enough to give each player a bit of personal pride. The totally remind me of a 5th grade Awards Ceremony at my elementary school. The gist of the ceremony was that every kid got something. There were the obvious awards such as best grades and best attendance, but by the end, the teacher was giving out best handwriting and the always smiling award (seriously).

Overall, I love this game as it greatly reminds me of the Lord of the Rings board game. Both have the players competing together as a team rather than battling each other. After we learned our lesson of bombing out 90% though an 8 minute Metallica song and having to play it ALL OVER AGAIN, we all started watch the life meter like hawks. When someone was about to die, we’d pause it and life-flight in a replacement player. It was very humbling and inspired great teamwork.

It was also interesting that halfway through the night, we has all shed our names and were referred to as our instruments. “Drums – your missing the rhythm and it’s killing me!” or “Wow - nice solo, Guitar!” Our identities were further enforced as we started to realize our particular strengths – Milton the drumming machine, Ted the Guitar Master, Logan and me – the falsetto kings (queens?), Creepy – the Bass machine.

I think we’re hooked… Now if they'd hurry up and release the drum bag. Hauling them around is a royal pain...

Level Up!

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 14:23:41 GMT

Wow. I had a heck of a weekend. I leveled up (according to my own estimations) in 2 attributes this weekend: Guitar Hero 3 and Jiu Jitsu.

GH3: I had one of those runs where songs which have been stuck on 3 stars for weeks all of the sudden start getting 5 starred. If only it weren't such a enormous skill jump from Medium to Hard...

BJJ: A private lesson with one of the 5 highest ranked BJJ practitioners in the world will tend to teach you a thing or two. And not just about the Brazilian accent. "OK, my fren. Grabba the all-bo an hepeat."

And Son leveled up to - he's now a level 1 swimmer (first time swimming at 8 months old). Woot! XP abounds!

Sometimes it's the big things in life...

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 04:01:13 GMT

Happiness is...

Choking out someone who weighs 100 pounds more than you!

Bruises fromt the East

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 06:59:12 GMT

I just had the opportunity to accomplish a life goal that I set for myself about 16 years ago. I just got back from my first Karate class in Japan!!! We found a website in English with the help of a Japanese speaking coworker: http://www.d-karate.com/english/02_school/index.html

So we hopped on the subway for the Saturday trial class. The instructor saw my coworker and I. His English was just a bit better than my Japanese (which is probably about 20 words). At first, he said we couldn't train because he has a different class for high schoolers. I informed him with hand signs that I am 32 and my co-worker is 23. He then gestured at our jeans and said "no train". I pulled out my Kung Fu pants out of a backpack to show him, so he let us join the class. It was a good 80 minute workout. Very cool. It was neat how after years of training, I could follow his entire class just by studying his actions and not understanding one word he said. He was very complimentary and it was a fun class. Stretches/warm-up, punching/kicking drills, footwork, then bagwork with a partner.

I believe it was only an intermediate class, but it was great! Definitely an experience I'll always remember.

So you don't think I made it up

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 14:49:46 GMT

The CCG arcade game I was talking about in my last post is called "Sangokushi Taisen 2". Here's a youtube video of a guy who kinda knows what he's doing on this game. Honestly though - the kid we watched on an advanced board was awe-inspiring and makes this guy look like a turtle...

Card games from the east

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 13:35:31 GMT

So there's a new genre of CCG's that are in popular abundance in Tokyo - CCG arcade games. There were 3 themes we saw in the 8 story arcade we visited- soccer, feudal Japanese battles and a robotech variant (gundam?). You buy your starter deck then sit down at the game. You physically move your cards around the play area and the game recognizes the card (magnetically?) and interfaces with the video game. Plus you win additional cards as prizes. Pretty cool stuff. I gave it a shot, but 2 archers and a mage does not an army make... (not to mention ALL the instuctions were in Japanese). We watched a expert playing a hard mode and it was almost as intricate as Dance, Dance Revolution with your hands... Wonder if this could ever catch on in the USA.

Tales from the east

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 14:34:30 GMT

First whole day in Tokyo - most notable events other than sight seeing stuff - conquering the enigmatic subway system, buying numerous cans of Final Fantasy 7 Adent Children "potion" (yes - they are consumable) and hanging out in very shady bars in a very shady part of Tokyo. Actual words spoken: "Dude - you drink first - that way if there're roofey's in your drink, I'll haul you out of here." Pretty impressive for a country not know for having "shady" parts. Now to actually do some work tomorrow...

Know any good places to eat?

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 02:53:35 GMT

So yeah - I'm going to Tokyo, Japan for 2 weeks. Leaving this weekend. All I can say is WOW! Any recommendations of things to do while I'm there? Sumo and baseball are both out of season... I do want to find a Karate school that will indulge me and let me train a class with them. I want to hit the nightlife, eat lots of different foods... Any other ideas?

Goblin Game Goes Beta

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 17:25:03 GMT

So I'm a sucker for new WOTC products. So I've been watching for news on their online Goblin game for some time now. The official name is now "Uncivilized: The Goblin Game". I've been on the MTGO 3 beta from the get go (complaining most of the time) and on the last 5-6 expansion betas for MTGO 2. So imagine my excitement when I stumbled upon the application for Uncivilized beta testers!

They're going BETA!!!

As a refresher, it will be an online strategy game where you control a goblin tribe trying to win the game via one of many available options. You get 1 turn per real world day and the average game will take 2-3 months to complete. You will only pay when you start a new game. (Fees haven't been announced yet.) Some of the examples of winning as I recall include
- hatching a dragon egg and training it not to eat your tribe but to eat all other goblins
- building a bomb to blow up the world and an enormous shield to hide behind

And there will be a definite goblin slant to the worlds. A press release indicates that " elves are foppish, trolls are pimpish, dwarves are bikerish..." heh - pimp trolls...

Here's the link to the beta application if this strikes a chord with you: http://mtgobeta.wizards.com/goblinindex.php

The N00b

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 03:11:39 GMT

Whew - I made my post before midnight! Son was born today. We chose Alexander John David Smyth for his name. (No- seriously!)

He was born 5lbs. 13oz.. and 18.5 inches long. Son and Wife are both well.

All I can say is "amazing".

The Best TV Show You're Not Watching

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 14:48:06 GMT

So. John From Cincinnati. Rocks.

I need to go further? OK. It’s the latest offering from HBO. As of today, they are only on episode four. It involves three generations of surfers in California and their dysfunctional relationship. But seriously, the surfing is quite tangential to the show. It could quite easily have been three generations of dog catchers or three generations of Magic Players…

Oh – and there’s John. He’s from Cincinnati, you see. He shows up on a secluded beach beside slimy surf sponsor – Luke Perry and mutters the words “The end is near. Mitch Yost needs to get back in the game." The two watch Mitch Yost, the family patriarch and disillusioned elder ex-surfing god, doing some amazing surfing.

Pretty blah so far. And I will admit, the first episode gets weirder and hard to follow. It wasn’t until about episode 3 that this show firmly caught me in its clutches. What’s so special about it? OK – here’s the no-spoiler hook.

John is probably not from Cincinatti. You have no clue where he’s really from. He manages to innocently attach himself to this family. But he doesn’t really talk, though. He basically repeats things that are said to him. Except when he does this, he actually manages to carry on a conversation. Quite difficult to describe actually. Here’s an example of dialog taken from an exchange with Mexican gangsters who kidnap him for a shakedown in their van.

Gangster 1– “Give us your money or I'll should fuck you up esse.”

John – “I'll fuck YOU up esse.”

Ganster 2 – “You think we’re playing, punk?!”

John – “I think you’re playing punk.”

Ganster 2 – “I will stick you! You want me to show you your heart?!”

John – “Show me my heart!”

Why do this? That’s the central mystery of the show. At this point, I have 3 theories. Yes – this show demands you create theories.

Theory 1 – John is an alien. He has assumed human form and for whatever reason has an interest in this family (studies?).

Theory 2 – John is an angel of some sort. Guardian angel to the family?

Theory 3 – John is a mentally retarded psychic of some sort. No seriously.

You see – weird things happen to people around John. People start levitating. Bad guys become semi-good guys. Resurrections occur. Miracles happen. And like Lost, I can almost guarantee that we will only get glimpses into John for season one and no true explanations.

Plus the acting in this show is great too. Every character is screwed up in someway or another. There are heroin addicts, millionaire victims of child abuse, unstable ex-cops, troubled Vietnam vets… I think Ed O’Neill’s acting steal the show though (yes – Al Bundy from Married With Children.) He’s the troubled ex-cop who gives us glimpses of his past and present in rambling soliloquies delivered to his many birds in his home. Al Bundy can act? Who knew?

Then there are all the HBO regulars. There’s at least two guys from Oz. Four from Deadwood (if you don’t count the creators who also did Deadwood). At least one from Big Love and probably half have done cameos on other HBO shows. Every other new character causes me to go “What the heck did I see that guy in?”

This show reminds me of Arrested Development (my all-time favorite show) in one major way – I WILL watch it a second time. See, I watch too much TV as it is. For me to watch a movie or show a second time, there has to be something extermely rewarding in it for me. With JFC – there are so many call-backs in John’s dialogue to previous episodes and extremely understated plot devices that I want to spend an entire afternoon watching the entire season start to finish. Plus there's all the little moments when you're unsure if a character is acting in character or is subtley being influenced by John somehow. I want to reabsorb the whole show start to finish and savor it like a fine wine.

Yes, it’s that good.

Banned Cards

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 13:30:42 GMT

So if you have a MTGO account, log on there and /join Gleemax

If there are "minions" in there, you PM one and they will give you a free card, Gleemox. (I'm serious.)

Here's the card
Gleemox
0
Artifact (expansion = promotional)

Tap: Add one mana of any color to your mana pool. This card is banned.

I'm not sure, but there may only be "minions" in there during PST business hours (aparently minions have to follow labor laws too - who knew?)

According to the deck editor, there are a few formats that you can use it in (Classic, test, singleton)...

Meeces to Pieces

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 16:00:49 GMT

In case you did see it on the Sheldon blog, here's the greatest mouse pointer ever! I am so making that the pointer on my pc's...

http://www.1-click.jp/

We want the funk...

Wed, 30 May 2007 13:10:40 GMT

Les Claypool is a god. And that’s not the 2^nd hand contact high talking. Or maybe it is… Hmm…

He played the House of Blues last night. Note- this was not a Primus, Sausage or Oysterhead show. Just “Les Claypool”. He had 4 other musicians there making him look good. A saxophone player, a drummer, a xylophone/electric drum machine drummer and a prodigy sitar/ukulele/theremin player (yes, I said theremin – you might want to look that one up if you're not familiar). Over the course of the 2 hour show, I’d estimate they played around 8 songs. Well, in all fairness, it was difficult to tell when one morphed into the next.

Les is a showman at heart. I love how the “costume” he wore dictated the mood of the next piece. Headgear that he donned included:

The traditional Homburg hat
The pig mask
The monkey mask
The plastic elvis hairpiece (this is as close as I can come to describing this one)
The modified bobby hat:

Let us now recount his many fine basses. There was of course the standard 4 string fretted, 6 string fretless rainbow bass (pictured above), stand up bass with no actual body to speak of (played with a bow) and the 2 string monstrosity. Oh – and before I forget, the 6 and 4 strings had a tremolo bar …Let me take a moment to describe the 2 string monstrosity in a bit more detail.

So it’s half way though the show, and the 2 drummers were in the middle 10 minute drum solo sort of jam. Then Les lopes onto the stage wearing the monkey mask dragging a chunk of wood. Try as I might, I could find no image of this monstrosity, so allow me to draw it (I am NOT artistic mind you).

Yes. It was really that simple. So he joins in with the drummers percussing on this 2 – string thing with a drum stick as the drummers kick into a sort of tribal drum groove. After a while, out of nowhere he yanks on the handle at the top of this beast in highly exaggerated body motions. The handle apparently doubles as a distortion peddle/wah wah peddle. The best way to describe the noise it made would be a cross between a demon roaring and a motorcycle engine. Needless to say the crowd went ape shit (pardon the pun). Then as though the simian were done exploring this tool, he threw it down and monkey loped back off stage arms flailing.

Of all the thinks I enjoyed, perhaps the best was just watching Les’ hands. It was like he knew they were a major part of the show. Many of his strumming/fingering positions were highly exaagerated giving the impression he not just playing his bass, but alternately tickling, pounding, coaxing, churning or massaging the sound out of it.

Sweet show.

Update

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 15:36:49 GMT

So anyone at home keeping score, Wife is fine. Pre-Son is better than he was but not great. His heart rate has slowed from Jackhammer to normal ranges, although it is still occasionally racing. We are in this very tense mode where we feel very helpless, but yet, we are remaining hopeful. Our Doctors are "cautiously optimistic" and as long as we don't enter Congestive Heart failure/Hyrops territory (AKA Very Bad Things), I will too. I am back at work as is wife. We are attempting to re-enter society and not dwell on that which is out of our control.

Thank you very much to every one who sent prayers and well wishes. We definitely appreciate it.

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 01:07:09 GMT

Still too high.

Wait- how can Freddy get me if I'm awake?

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 15:34:49 GMT

So I've started having dreams that highly annoy me when used as plot devices in movies and TV shows. Here is the most recent example. I go to bed and set alarm for 7:00 AM.

I wake up, look at clock it's 8:30 AM. Crap! I dash around like a fool before it dawns on me that I'm actually asleep and dreaming.
I wake up from the dream to check my clock (just in case) and it's only 6:00 AM. Alas, this too is a dream. Idiot. How could you fall for that twice?
So I wake up only to be dreaming checking the clock again... I think the dream in a dream recursion was about 4 layers deep. And yes, I did cap it off by REALLY waking up to check my clock. (It was really 4:00 AM. No, REALLY!)

There's probably something Freudian there... It's probably no coincidence that one of my long running nightmares involves being back in high school or college and wandering around late for all my classes, yet unable to get to any of them.

Man, I annoy me sometimes.

Forks in the Road

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 17:00:38 GMT

Sigh. It's not too often that those forks in the road of life are so clearly visible. In 2 minutes I have a phone call. The outcome of this call will set the tone for my short-term career and in many ways the rest of my life. Deep breath - here goes...

Words I Thought I'd Never Say

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 13:28:23 GMT

So I go to pop my Netflix copy of Borat into my DVD player. As I pull it out of the sleeve, I see that some idiot has accidentally sent a pirated copy of Borat back to Netflix and kept the original (and "No" - I never did that [I ran out to the mailbox once I realized I almost did]). I am irate since not being new to DVD copying, I know that some form of compression had to occur to fit a dual layer DVD onto a single layer DVD and I just know that whatever idiot burned this either didn't include the menu's or extras or didn't compress the contents as I would. (1st to go - high quality DTS5.1 audio tracks, 2nd to go - previews for movies 3rd - reduce the quality of the menus and extras to maximize the quality of the movie.)

As I go to Netflix.com to bitch it dawns on me that the back of the DVD is not Blue and that the Sharpie marker writing on the DVD is raised (screen-printed) not flat as a true sharpie label would be. I had already noticed the weird brand of "blank" DVD but just assumed it was an import. Ahhh- there it is "2007 Fox Films" - oh and under "Demorez" it says "Is Life? No. Demorez."

As a grin breaks out over my face I say the words I thought I'd never say: "Sasha Baren Cohen - You got me."

In my defense, I hadn't had my coffee yet... (And a sharpie scrawl on a blank DVD is VERY familiar to me.)

Review- Lady in the Water: What?! No Money Shot?!?!

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 20:27:20 GMT

I mentioned Lady in the Water in my review of Saw 3. Specifically, I mentioned how I have been dreading watching this movie, but I really dig M. Night's movies. So I finally pulled this movie out of my binder of pirated DVD's and sat down to watch it.

I did not see this movie in the theatres do to the thorough thrashing the critics all gave this movie. But I went in with a open mind. Maybe the critics were just being jerks... After all, they hated Saw 3 and I though it was pretty decent.

There was a wide variety of interesting characters and Paul Giomatti rocks. The movie is supposed to be a bed time story and I suppose it makes as much sense as many of the Brothers Grimm's fairy tales. I am not going to go into any detail on this movie, but there was one fact that all the critics failed to mention. There is no freaking twist! Let me repeat that. NO G.D. TWIST. (My wife and I tend to abbreviated profanity now to avoid corrupting Daughter.) Sorry if I spoiled that for you, but this actually made me quite angry. It's like watching porno with no money shot. Or WWF (or WWE and the kids call it now) where all the wrestlers come out and are friends. Or soap operas where people get married and have happy, successful marriages. Or listening to Opie and Anthony do a show with no subtle undercurrent of racism, misogyny or homophobia. Just wrong... I would have bought in to the absurd storyline if M Night just gave me my damn twist.

I guess the best summary of this movie comes from the main character himself: "You have to believe that this all makes sense somehow." Alas, I do not believe... (but for the measly cost of a plot twist, I might have.)

Deja Vu

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 18:27:51 GMT

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2007/03/07

The unicorn and the wild pregnancy requests resonate...
True-life dialogue:
Wife- "I really want a gyro for dinner. You need to go get me one."
Me- "Um- OK - Where the heck do I go for that? I can't think of any place near here that sells them..."
Wife- "Not my problem."

You've got to be kidding me

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 10:14:14 GMT

Agony has a name. It is pulling Damnation and Extirpate in the same draft pack. A $30 pack, but only 1 money card for you! Plus it was pack two and I was already Heavy in black... Well if I can't win this draft I shouldn't be drafting.

Officially Outnumbered or XX gets the square

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 14:41:52 GMT

We're going to have a girl and I couldn't be happier! I was very nervous when I found out that my first child was going to be a girl. I somehow thought that I would be better equipped to deal with a male child and that my lack of understanding of females in general would somehow preclude me from successfully raising a girl. Well 18 months later, and I'd say I'm doing a pretty good job. (Check back in 12 years, though, to see if I'm still sane). Daughter #2? Piece of cake. I'm looking forward to the challenge and joys. Even the sleep deprived zombie state of the first few months... Eating moderately edible hospital food and sleeping on a reclining hospital chair for 3 days... Can't wait. Looking down and seeing a bit of myself and my wife in this perfect, little person - incredible. Seeing a personality unfold in this curious little stranger- this makes it all worthwhile.

I primarily was rooting for a boy for the different experience - a yang to Daughter's yin (this probably relates to my obsession with collecting things...) But I think

zoethesummed it up best - "Even with both children being girls, you will be amazed at the difference." I can't wait to meet you Katheryn!